Don't Ever Look Back
by Blood of the Dawn
Summary: Lovino was through with life. Then he met Antonio.


**Oh, look! Romance! And it's Hetalia! Yup, I'm trying to broaden my spectrum (it doesn't help almost all romance songs relate to Spamano in my head). For those people who read my Young Justice stuff, I know that from the poll I should be working on WtJ or IJU (and I will) but Imma work on other stuffs too. So, sorry if you were expecting something else. Check out my livejournal under the same name in regards to that!**

**So, this fic is heavily based off of the song **Self Conclusion **by the **Spill Canvas**. I suggest listening to it- it's a great band. I was also listening the **Boyce Avenue's **cover of **Teenage Dream **while writing this- I think it kind of sets the mood ^^.**

**Warnings: kissing, cursing, suicidal thought/intentions**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, Spill Canvas, Boyce Avenue, or Katy Perry**

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When Lovino walked up to the cliff, he was surprised to see someone seated upon the railing which kept people from accidently walking off the edge. The man on the ledge turned and gave him his own surprised glance. The Italian hesitated, reevaluating his plans slightly before walking up to the tan stranger.

"Hey, bastard- I had plans to die tonight," Lovino placed his hands on his hips and the stranger blinked owlishly up at him, "And you're in my fucking way, and don't even try to tell me it's a stupid idea, okay? I don't give a damn about your stupid opinion." The stranger continued to stare at him before swinging his legs back over the ledge and standing up- proving himself to be taller than the Italian. That bastard.

"Do you realize what you just said? Or who you're even talking to?" The taller man asked incredulously, his voice lilting and a slight Spanish accent leaking through. Lovino bristled at the man's words. Who the hell did he think he was?

"Look, idiot, you don't even know me!" The Italian yelled. The stranger took a slight step back but otherwise held his ground. "Now move- you're in my fucking way." Lovino's voice started to trail off. This time, the stranger didn't move at all. His face morphed from offended, to thoughtful, until it finally settled something else. Determination.

"No," The tan man said firmly and the Italian flushed red in anger.

"Why the fuck not?" Lovino asked, "I've got nothing left to live for! I'm practically dead on the inside!" He didn't know why he was suddenly unloading on this stranger- he hadn't even told _his brother _any of this. But, he supposed if this was the last person he'd ever see, he might as well tell someone. He wouldn't admit that he was feeling some sort of relief that someone else knew what was going on in his head.

"I'm not going to tell you not to kill yourself-" The stranger said after a few moments of silence but before he could continue, the Italian cut him off.

"That's what it looks like you're doing, idiot!" He huffed. The taller man ignored him.

"But, how about instead, you come with me- live with me." Lovino blinked and recoiled at the statement. Live with him- the fuck was he going on about? And he thought he was the one with issues. Obviously, this tan stranger needed help more than he did. (Of course, that probably meant the poor bastard was beyond help.)

"You want me to _live _with you?" The shorter man stuttered disbelievingly. The stranger scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. Lovino didn't want to admit that it was sort of endearing.

"That came out wrong," He admitted and Lovino rolled his eyes, idiot, "Look, give me one night- one night to prove that there's something out there for you to live for." The Italian shut his mouth, open in anticipation of the protests that wanted to roll off his tongue. What if he did go with the stranger? It was one night. If he found out this bastard was bullshitting him- he could just come back to the cliffs- What the hell? Was he actually considering his proposal? What happened to the conviction he'd had when he'd walked up?

Lovino bit his lip and looked up into the green eyes of the stranger, "You make it sound so easy- so easy to find meaning in your life." The taller man smiled instead of answering. "You don't even know me." He said again, glancing back down at his shoes.

The stranger put his finger under the Italian's chin and lifted his face so that he was staring into the shorter man's eyes, "I know. But I think I'd like too. Antonio." Antonio released Lovino's face and instead held out his hand. The Italian grasped his hand warily.

"Lovino," He introduced and the taller man hummed in thought.

"Lo-_vi_-no~" Antonio tested the name and he smiled down at him, "I like it." Lovino blushed furiously and crossed his arms.

"Fine," He huffed, "One night, but just one night, got it? If I decide it's not worth my time- I'm jumping." The smile that graced the Spaniard's face made Lovino feel things he really didn't want to admit.

"Great!" He grabbed the Italian's hand and started to drag him towards the parking lot.

"Wait! Where the fuck are you taking me?" Lovino sputtered and Antonio tossed him a wink.

"To my car," He explained cheerfully, "You didn't think we were going to stay here did you?" The Italian started grumbling to himself. He didn't want to admit that what Antonio said _did _make sense. Lovino took one last look over his shoulder at the cliff that from this distance was hard to see from around the setting sun. What was he doing? Was he really going to give this stranger- give Antonio a chance? Was he really- was he really going to give himself a chance to live?

Lovino wasn't sure how he felt about that.

After sitting driving for a good hour, the car finally came to a stop in front of a small restaurant. Lovino took the time to look around as Antonio stepped out of the car.

"Where did you take me, bastard?" The Italian asked as the taller man held open the car door for him.

"A little place I know," The Spaniard replied cheerfully, causing Lovino to shoot him a glare.

"I would fucking hope you know what this place is," He grumbled and Antonio chuckled.

"It's a small Spanish place owned by a couple who are friends with my parents," The taller man elaborated before pausing, "I don't think they'll be here tonight though." Lovino didn't know why that little fact mattered but was distracted by the other man grasping his hand and pulling him along behind him. He didn't stop sputtering incoherently in protest until the Spaniard had already acquired a secluded table for the two. Lovino flushed when he saw this. He wrenched his hand from the other's and picked up his menu to hide his growing blush. A frown flickered across his face as his eyes took in the menu items.

"What the hell is this?" The Italian gesticulated wildly at the laminated paper.

"Authentic Spanish food," Antonio smiled, something that Lovino could tell was a common feature on the Spaniard's face, "Don't worry if you don't recognize anything- I'll order for you! I hope you like tomatoes~" He practically sang, ignoring the way Lovino's eye (and curl) was twitching or the fact his face had turned a deep shade of red.

"Why would I want that? You'll probably order something disgusting for me so you can laugh in my face," He huffed, though a slight hurt tone colored his voice. Antonio simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"Only one night, right?" The green eyed man pointed out, reminding Lovino of his earlier promise- and of the fact he was probably the first person (besides his brother) who didn't get immediately offended by the Italian's insults and language. Which reminded him further- why hadn't Antonio gotten mad? He fell silent before puffing out his cheeks.

"Whatever you say, bastard," Lovino relented finally and he thought he was going to go blind from the smile he received in response. The dinner continued on in a kind of comforting silence. Eventually after ordering, Antonio started up a conversation. For once, Lovino actually contributed to the conversation and really began to enjoy himself. He was laughing at the Spaniard's bright smiles and insane stories about his two best friends. The Italian was able to push away his earlier misgivings and surprisingly enjoyed the Spanish dish- though he didn't tell Antonio that.

Of course, it seemed the Spaniard saw straight through his insults and denials.

When dinner ended, Lovino was full of good food and content with the way the evening had gone so far- maybe this could actually work out. As soon as the thought appeared he squashed it- what was he thinking? Eventually, Antonio would get sick of him too. That- or he'd meet his brother and then it'd all go downhill.

But then Antonio threw an arm around the Italian. Lovino turned red and his head shot up to look at the smiling Spaniard.

"You look really cute when you blush~" He sighed which caused the shorter man to turn a deeper shade of red.

"S-Shut up, bastard," Lovino grumbled but relaxed under the other's arm. Maybe- Maybe this _could _work. "Where are we going now?"

"That's a secret~" Antonio sang, grinning at the Italian's pout, "You'll have to wait til we get there!" The shorter man rolled his eyes and then frowned as the Spaniard once again opened the door for him.

"Why the hell are you treating me like a girl?" Lovino growled, but got into the car with little other protest.

"I'm not treating you like a girl," The green eyed man corrected, "I'm treating you with respect. I'm going to treat you how you deserve."

The Italian stared at him. "You- You think I deserve to be treated like this?"

"Of course! Lovi only deserves the best~" Antonio responded gleefully without even a moment's hesitation. Lovino closed his gaping mouth with a snap and looked away. Did Antonio really think he deserved this? No one had ever been this nice to him- especially after spending a few minutes with the Italian's coarse mouth. Of course, Antonio didn't get offended by his razor tongue, so why shouldn't he be nice, polite, and sweet. Lovino blushed as soon as the though entered his mind and quickly shook it away. Instead he turned to ask the Spaniard a question that had been nagging him the whole night.

"Hey, bastard," He called out, turning Antonio's attention from the road to him, "Aren't you going to ask why I would want to kill myself?" The Spaniard gave him a soft smile- different form the other ones he'd shown tonight. But somehow, it made Lovino feel in ways he hadn't in years- more so than any of the others before it.

"I'm not here to ask you questions, Lovino, I'm only here to help." He told the Italian, "I'm here for you." Lovino forced himself not to tear up at that statement, but he couldn't stop a small smile of his own from kissing his red cheeks. He looked out the window at the passing trees.

"Shit, are we going through the woods? Where are you taking me _now_?!" Lovino exclaimed as he jerked away from the glass reflexively. Antonio reached over and gripped his hand with a small laugh.

"Don't worry- you can trust me~" The Italian rolled his eyes at that but found himself relaxing anyway. He wished that this man he'd only met a couple of hours ago didn't have this kind of control over him. Yet, at the same time, he can't say he didn't kind of like it.

The narrow road the pair was driving along eventually gave out to a large field. There were flower patches spattered all over the place and Lovino imagined that during the day it would be something that his little brother would turn into a painting. Once out of the car, Antonio went to his trunk and pulled out an old patchwork blanket and a flashlight.

"What are we doing?" Lovino asked somewhat suspiciously.

"We're going stargazing!" The Spaniard responded happily as he clicked on the flashlight. He linked hands with Lovino (who managed to quell his blush and beating heart this time) and the pulled him to an open space in the middle of the field. He spread the blanket out and flopped onto- bringing the Italian with him.

"Dammit, bastard! Be more careful!" Lovino elbowed him in the chest before rolling off of him. But before he could get very far Antonio's arm found its way around the Italian's shoulders and pulled him close.

"Look at that, Lovi~ Isn't it something?" He gestured at the sky and Lovino turned his angry expression upwards. The frown instantly melted off his face when he caught sight of the milky expanse stretching all the way across the sky.

"It's beautiful," The Italian breathed and was so caught up in the sight he missed the unsure look Antonio gave him.

"It, it almost," The Spaniard stumbling over his words caused Lovino to give him a strange look, "It almost makes you glad to be alive." He finished with a whisper. Antonio then shut his mouth and looked surprised at himself for the words that came out of his mouth. Lovino sat up suddenly, further startling the taller man. "Wait-"

What was he thinking? What was he doing here? Did he really think this man could help him? What if he was just helping him out of pity? Stupid Lovino, _what are you doing_? He doesn't understand- even if it sometimes seemed like he did, Antonio didn't know _anything_-

"I could jump," Lovino told him as Antonio sat up and put his arms around him. Only then did he realize he was shaking and that his voice was edging towards hysteria, "Anytime, I could- and I would too! Don't think you can stop me this time, bastard!" He could. _He would_. And Antonio couldn't do anything about it- He had been ready to do it before Antonio had stopped- coerced him. That sneaky, sly, tricky, conniving asshole!

"I know, believe me, I know," The Spaniard whispered sadly, tightening his grip on the Italian. Lovino flailed against the hold and banged his fists against the taller man's chest.

"Oh you know, do you? You fucking know?!" He screamed at him and Antonio looked askance. The vulnerable look should've stopped Lovino's hits but the Italian was passed caring.

Antonio ignored the hits and took a deep breath. "Before you got there, I- I was going to jump too." The green eyed man confessed as he closed his eyes. Lovino froze. Antonio had been planning to jump? Happy, cheerful, way-to-fucking-optimistic-for-his-own-good Antonio, had been planning to kill himself? The same way Lovino had?

That was- that was- Lovino really didn't want to believe it-

"W-What," The Italian had to stop and swallow- his throat had gone dry- "What changed?"

"You," Antonio replied, finally looking over to meet the other's watery gaze, "I saw you." Lovino was once again at a loss for words. Him? It was so ridiculously cliché that is was almost sickening. It also made him unwillingly warm at the thought- at what that would mean. This finally pushed the Italian over the edge. He let out a small sob and threw his arms around the Spaniard. Antonio pressed his cheek to the top of Lovino's head. The Italian couldn't tell which tears were his own anymore.

The sun was threatening to break through the horizon by the time the pair got back to the cliff. Antonio reached it first and hoisted himself up before swinging his legs over. He then reached behind him to help Lovino up. The Italian used the Spaniard's weight to pull himself up beside him and hesitates before leaning his head on the taller man's shoulder.

The two watched the sun begin to peak over the mountains in silence. Lovino was enjoying the peace in a way he hadn't in a long time.

"You know," Antonio mused aloud, breaking through the comfortable quiet, "If you jump, I'll jump with you." He told the Italian. Lovino picked up his head to stare at the green eyed man.

"R-Really?" He asked, stumbling slightly.

"Yup," Antonio responded without hesitation, giving the smaller man the soft smile that made his insides melt.

"Why would you do something so stupid, bastard?" Lovino stuttered out of reflex. He already knew why the other man would jump. If he jumped, well…

This time, Lovino welcomed the warm feeling he got from this train of thought. He surged forward suddenly and took Antonio by surprise when his lips were captured in a kiss. The Spaniard blinked owlishly before returning the pressure.

Lovino didn't know how long the kiss lasted but he figured it didn't matter when he pulled away and saw the bright smile on Antonio's face. He wasn't even ashamed to admit that he was probably mirroring the expression.

The Spaniard's eyes searched his face and he placed a hand on the Italian's cheek, "Will you?" He breathed even though they both knew the answer. Lovino looked out at the dawn sky and then back at Antonio. And he smiled.

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**There you have it, there you are! I hope you enjoyed. Drop a review and tell me your thoughts and if you think I should delve farther into this fandom~**

**Ciao~**

**~Dawn of Blood**


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